While the idea of having a guy friend, one who you can completely be yourself around is great, it is often difficult to find this kind of friendship. While I believe that having guy friends is important, even necessary, it is also important to know that these friendships may not always be genuine. You may be wondering why. Well, for starters, I can honestly say, that every friendship I have had with a straight guy has started with attraction.
This is not to say that having guy friends isn’t important. It’s great to get a guy’s perspective when it comes to your dating questions. After all, they are guys themselves. They know how guys think and can really help you in understanding where your current love interest’s head is, as well as help you make decisions regarding the relationship. I go to my guy friends for advice all of the time. But I also realize that my friendships with these guys are different, not even close to as real as my friendships with my girlfriends. So why is the genuine guy friend such a difficult thing to actually have.
It’s normal. It’s reality. Guys and girls are attracted to each other. If I see a cute guy anywhere, I’m going to be at least a little interested in him. We’re curious about the opposite sex, and this is ok. But knowing that this is a reality is important. I love my guy friends, and while there may not be an attraction now, there was at some point. My friendships with my guy friends may even be a little flirty sometimes. Even though we realize that nothing will ever come from a little harmless flirtation, the attraction is present. You cannot be strictly friends with someone if there is an attraction.
Just as these friendships have come from a place of attraction, they also rarely come from a platonic place. I have met every single one of my guy friends through some sort of flirty initiation. Your friendship may be strictly platonic now, but honestly, you probably only have it because he first thought that you were hot.
You Act Differently Around Him
No way am I even close to the same around my guy friends as I am with my girlfriends. This isn’t because I put on an act for them, but guys are simply different than girls. Yes, I absolutely talk about relationship issues with both, but my guy friends would probably think I was really strange if I acted the way I do around my girlfriends with them. I also don’t stay in touch with my guy friends as much as I do with my girlfriends. The friendships are different, and this is normal. You don’t have to pretend the friendship is something that it isn’t.
Another reason why it is hard to have a true guy friend is that there is always the very real possibility of one of you eventually wanting more. This can cause many problems for your friendship. You may have to either reject him or face rejection yourself. One of you may also be holding your true feelings in, again, not being yourself around each other. These feelings can also cause jealousy. One of you may even take the jealousy far enough to try to sabotage the other’s relationship. It sounds crazy, but it happens. Boyfriends and girlfriends can also get jealous about their significant other’s friends, creating all kinds of problems in the relationship as well as the friendship.
This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t have guy friends. These friendships are important to have. Just know that these friendships may not always be the most genuine. Love your guy friends, but take caution and face the reality that these friendships are often different.